The Last Word.

"Sometimes you have to leave a person to know him more."
Last night I was going through my Instagram account and my eyes stucked on one of the pictures by Word Porn. I read it again and again and again to find the answer but I couldn't.
"You know some things are left to be answered by themselves." One of my friends said.
But still my heart was not ready to accept the sympathy, and my mind was knocking continusly to know the answer. What if he never comes back? What if he never loved me? What if he is fond of other girls more than me? And what if I was never a part of his heart? These question continusly pushed me in a great depression from which I was not able to escape.
I got to find the one who speaks the thing I want to hear. The thing I was not ready to accept. The truth. My world was revolving around that one thing, that one post, that one elephant who was chilling in my life like one of those demons ready for a high five.
Today morning I asked my mate about that serious blunder. And she said " if he doesn't come back, he is not the one."
I didn't find my answer in her words but I believed what everyone said.
And yet again in the dusk, my name didn't show up.
Yet again in the game of love I lost for the 1000th time from the same person. Yet again he won, because I loved and he, he doubted.
(But something inside me knows he is the one)

Dearly Beloved,

l'm sorry l haven 't talked to you in so long.
l feel l've been lost...
...no bearings, no compass. 
l kept crashing into things, a little crazy, l guess.
l've never been lost before.
You were my true north.
 
l could always steer for home when you were my home.
Forgive me for being so angry when you left.
l still think some mistake's been made...
...and l'm waiting for God to take it back.
But l'm doing better now.
The work helps me.
Most of all, you help me.
You came into my dream last night with that smile...
... that always held me like a lover...
...rocked me like a child.
All l remember from the dream...
...is a feeling of peace.
l woke up with that feeling...
...and tried to keep it alive as long as l could.
l'm writing to tell you that l'm on a journey toward that peace.
And to tell you l'm sorry about so many things.
l'm sorry l didn 't take better care of you...
...so you never spent a minute being cold or scared or sick. ''
''I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words. . .
 
. . .to teII you what I was feeIing.
I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door.
I fixed it now.
I'm sorry I ever fought with you.
I'm sorry I didn't apoIogize more.
I was too proud.
I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compIiments. . .
. . .on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair
I'm sorry I didn't hoId on to you with so much strength. . .
. . .that even God couIdn't puII you away. ''




Nicholas Sparks

Message in a bottle.

Confession.

I always remember the time when we used to look at each other and our shyness kissed. The time when he secretly admired me and I knew he was doing so but always be silent. The precious feeling of Nostalgia strongly hit me up everytime I stared at Our pictures for hours without even blinking the eyelids because that would form darkness and I didn't want to miss a single thought picturized. Together the times spent and the moments felt, oh god how can them be so special and speechless, so worthy and lunatic. I cannot confess this to him, things are not same anymore but they are in our hearts obviously. The hurt hits and love cracks but never fades. He gave the most sensitive gesture and I never replied, maybe shyness was surrounding me too much but I wanted to. I even want it right now but things, they aren't any same anymore. The much he wanted to love me the more I wanted to love him. The less he wanted to leave the lesser I wanted to separate. Together by heart and by actions still but hurt separated us. Pictures flashes back, memories flashes back, so do my mistakes, so do my Lies, and his broken face. Fear of losing and hope to see him soon will always be honey to me. Time flies and hardships too.
PS I Love You.

Temporary Pleasures.

Why is it always like people do the things that aren't legal or that aren't necessary to do?
Just an overlook on the dark yet bright side of people's life.

Ground covered with ashes and pills.
Dreams hiding behind the syringe.
A fall of foggy mist.
And eyeryone's blind side reveals.

The smoky surrounding offers a pleasure.
Travels and wander the world and heaven.
Comforting lies that are untold still.
Beneath this round that follows and kill.

Morrow will come with another sorrow.
Another hour a leaf will burn.
The next side a patient returned,
With needle fixed and heart hollow.

'Drugs are for losers' my mom said.
Drugs are intruders in oneself.
Pleasures temperory and guilt forever,
Cries heal 'juries never.

Misfortunes.

With yesterday's nightmare and tomorrow's hope she was soothing herself,
A shelf full of messed up books and her dusty hazel eyes.
A perfect combination of blooming rays! Just like ice on fire and clouds on volcano.
With her admirable complexion and restful tiredness.
She took a step towards the world.
World full of hopeless pleasures and timeless expressions,
Welcomed her with a well of criticism.
On the new grass she stepped hesitatingly trying to forget the past.
But past, that was such a misery stepped yet again in the dark!
With all the books she moved further,
With every move she found his shadow following her.
Remarkably she missed her own shadow.
Just as the fault lies within. He lies in her.
And the love, stole her.

Love remains.

I listened and watched her as she explained her worst dream to me that came true. Tears rolled down her eyes as she said, "never settle with the thought that they will be your future", bullets runned down my veins and my heart skipped a beat after hearing this. Something like a heavy rain fell down that night, from my brain to heart to body. Clouds bursted as they want to speak, speak that don't allow them to snatch your love and run. She continued her injury and my veins were getting stronger after each sentence by her. My thoughts got bigger and touched the sky.
" He cheated me and took my love away with him".
"So how long it took you to make it through your new life? "
"Forever." She continued. "It took me every mili second, every minute and every miserable hour to get over him but still I am standing on the same path."
That monsoon night, I decided to love my love but not to believe that he is going to make till my future. I decided to give my all but never to trust. That night, the beauty shrouded herself with thunder and love punched harder.
"We can't imagine where time will take us. It just test your future, your settlement, your career and if it spins it will pinch you hard and the reality will fall in front of your vision. And you will try hard to run from it but it will follow you till your death and makes you regret every little thing you did to keep everything safe."
"Than what about the man who is presently in your life?"
"He's my escape."
And the bullet marks remains.

Thinking Out Loud

People speak of Equality.
They also speak of Feminism.
But why don't they go for Humanity?
Or is this a kind of Criticism?
Why don't we be like Rock Doves?
Silent and fly for the happiness of The World.
What if we save lives of animals?
It is much better than being cannibals.
Eating each other with our judgemental thoughts.
Laughing so hard and still searching for Paradise Lost.
Racism and Casteism. Can the world live without it.
They say we are children of God, well it's just a myth.
Because people who are His child would never go for religion discrimination.
And if they do, it's our wrong decision.